


Bad Habit

by jxmjars



Series: Sing To Me Instead [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24331009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxmjars/pseuds/jxmjars
Summary: It was difficult being the boyfriend of The Boy Who Lived, especially when you have a past like Draco's. Between the mounting pressure of his work as a healer, harassment from the press, and increasing jealousy of the friendship Harry had with his school girlfriend, Ginny Weasley, Draco blew up and walked out of Harry's life. But both he and Harry found themselves seeking bad habits, the need for each others comforts. Except, they were both too proud to say it, instead wallowing in self-pity until an accident forces them to talk.Inspired by 'Bad Habit' from Ben Platt's debut LP 'Sing To Me Instead'.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Series: Sing To Me Instead [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756564
Comments: 4
Kudos: 70





	Bad Habit

**_You always said that I'd come back to you again, 'cause everybody needs a friend, it's true. Someone to quiet the voices in my head, make 'em sing to me instead, it's you…_ **

Draco was in the break room at St. Mungo’s hospital, a quaint wizarding hospital hidden within muggle London. He was anxiously fidgeting with the pages of a copy of Witch Weekly, left there by one of the other healers. As he fidgeted, his mind wandered into the events of the last week. The events involving one Harry James Potter. One, however, struck him impossibly. The event that started it all.

_ Draco had just come home from another long day at the hospital. To say Draco looked as rough as he felt was an understatement. The dark sags under his eyes took over his features, causing the man to look almost skeletal. Draco’s white-blonde hair strewn across his face, showing the signs of stress and exhaustion. There had been an accident involving several members of the Auror department, leaving the healers (both trained and in-training) stretched thin. Of course, while tending to many of the Aurors, Draco’s mind had continued to wander to his lover, praying that he wasn’t assigned to the task that risked the lives of the Aurors he treated. But Harry wasn’t there and Draco couldn’t determine whether or not that was a good thing. However, regardless of the tingling worry, Draco continued with his duties.  _

_ When he came into the flat he and Harry shared, he kicked off his shoes, hoping that he could sulk to the living room and slither into Harry’s arms for some comfort. However, when he reached the living room, he was met with the unsightly image of Harry and Ginny sat uncomfortably close watching a romantic comedy on their muggle T.V.. Draco’s exhausted feature immediately turned into anger. He dropped his book bag, the thump causing Ginny and Harry to jump and stare at Draco.  _

_ “Don’t mind me,” Draco mumbled, ignoring the bubbling jealousy in the pit of his stomach. He stormed through to the kitchen, whipping out his wand to fill the kettle with some water. He needed a strong cup of chamomile after the long day he’d had.  _

_ Harry immediately stood, going to follow Draco into their kitchen. “Draco, wait!”  _

_ Meanwhile, Ginny grabbed her things. “I’ll be going… See you around, Harry.”  _

_ Harry looked at her in exasperation and nodded as he stepped into the kitchen.  _

_ Draco was banging things around as he cleaned things the muggle way. He aggressively wiped a spot on the counter, trying to relieve some frustrations. Harry hovered at the door, a lump in his throat. He could see the anguish on his lover’s face, knowing he’d been caught in a precarious position, especially considering the history he and Ginny had.  _

_ “Babe…” Harry all-but whispered, the lump still stuck in his throat.  _

_ Draco ignored the other, continuing to wipe at the spot on the worktop, tears threatening to spill from his grey eyes. Harry watched for a few moments more before stepping forward to rest his hand over Draco’s.  _

_ “You’re going to wear a hole in the surface, Draco.”  _

_ Draco flinched his hand away and tried to move to a separate spot on the worktop, removing crumbs with the cloth. After a few beats of silence, Draco threw the cloth down onto the work surface. He turned to stare at Harry, allowing Harry to see the full extent of his exhaustion and worry.  _

_ “Tell me why,” Draco stared at Harry, the tears starting to slip down his porcelain skin, “tell me why she was here. When you were meant to be at work…”  _

_ It was no secret that Harry and Ginny were expected to end up together, the power couple the Wizarding World was meant to have. Draco had been reminded of that often enough. He knew that before the war concluded, Harry had planned to marry Ginny for the sake of appearances. But even then, coming to their senses wasn’t enough for the worry in the back of Draco’s mind. After-all, he was a reformed Death Eater.  _

_ “We were just hanging out, we’re still friends, Drac.” Harry sighed softly. Ginny was a constant sore point in their relationship, the jealousy and worry that Draco held towards her. “Draco, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that Ginny and I are just friends. I don’t feel that way for her anymore. Not since the War.”  _

_ Draco folded his arms across his chest, almost hugging himself, but still threatening in stance. He’d managed to control his tears, a talent he’d learned from his years of abuse at the manor. Should the opportunity arise, he knew not to let people see his vulnerabilities, no matter who they were.  _

_ “Please, Draco, believe me when I say she’s just a friend.”  _

_ And that’s when Draco scoffed, running his tongue behind the back of his lips. He couldn’t help but feel a laugh in the back of his throat. He’d spent the past three years convincing himself that. But it was still never enough. Between seeing them watch films together and Weasley’s snarky comments, Draco had felt below adequate. _

_ The following argument between them, left both Draco and Harry in tears. Arguments weren’t rare in this flat, after-all, they were once mortal enemies. Except their petty arguments changed from snide comments regarding school to their domestic lives and jealousy.  _

_ Except this argument was different. This argument was the last argument.  _

_ “I’m clearly holding you back, Potter.” Draco roared, his vulnerabilities clear as the night sky. “You were never meant to end up with me of all people. You should be with the Weasley girl. The girl everyone would approve of.”  _

_ Harry blinked at him a few times, heart racing. “What do you mean, Draco?”  _

_ “Don’t be idiotic, Potter, for once in your life. I’m saying this,” Draco made a gesture between them, “isn’t working. It won’t work.”  _

_ Harry felt a warm tear drip from his chin as he watched Draco carefully. “So that’s it? We’re through?”  _

_ Draco remained silent and walked out of the room, ignoring the thumping sound in his chest. He grabbed his trunk and began to back some essential clothes.  _

A month later, and Draco couldn’t function without Harry. Each day started the same, alone and cold in the spare bed of Pansy Parkinson’s murky flat. He hadn’t so much as looked at a plate of food, unless Pansy was almost forcing it down his throat. He’d fallen back into a pit of deep depression, much like the one before the war. 

**_Hate to say that I love you. Hate to say that I need you. Hate to say that I want you. But I do…_ **

“Harry,” Hermione said carefully, moving dirty laundry and discarded Prophet’s around with her feet as she made her way towards the figure curled on the sofa. “It’s been a week... You haven’t been to work. Please talk to me…” 

Harry’s positioning didn’t move, he barely blinked as he stared blankly at the ceiling above him. Truth be told, Harry was as depressed as Draco, if not worse. All motivation had ceased, he hadn’t even showered since Draco walked out on him. 

“Harry, we’re worried.” She said, crouching by his head. She placed a careful hand over Harry’s, ignoring the strong stench of body-odour coming from her friend. “Please, Harry… Talk to me.” 

Harry slowly turned his head to look at Hermione, his eyes bloodshot and exhausted. 

“You need him don’t you?” 

Silence from Harry gave her the answer she needed. After a moment she stood and ran a hand through her hair. Never within their nine years of friendship had she seen Harry as depressed and dark as this, and it scared her witless. However, being the responsible one of their trio, Hermione took it upon herself to clean around Harry. He was never the cleanest of people, but he still tried for the sake of Draco. But now Draco’s absence reverberated around them. Instead of a warm familiar domestic feeling surrounding them, the flat felt cold and empty. 

After having cleaned the flat, Hermione had summoned Ron to come and help her wash Harry. It was something they knew would embarrass their friend once he’d sobered from this, but it was necessary in order to help with his mental health. 

“Come on, mate, let’s get you washed.” Ron said, lifting Harry from the sofa as Hermione ran a bath for him. There was no fight from Harry, leaving Hermione and Ron even more worried than before. 

Harry stood weakly, staring at the bathroom tiles as Ron and Hermione undressed him. They helped him into the bath, sharing glances of worry with each other. The bathing process was uncomfortable for all of them, but they didn’t much care, knowing Harry would feel at least somewhat better once he’d washed. Once Harry was washed, they dressed him and led him to the bedroom for a sleep. However, one thing they hadn’t anticipated was Harry’s emotional reaction to the bedroom. 

Many of Draco’s things were missing, all his necessities, hitting Harry like a brick. He hadn’t been in this room since Draco left. The bed remained untouched, Draco’s scent still lingering atop the cold sheets. Once Harry’s head hit the pillow, he balled a piece of Draco’s pillow in his fist. He let out an anguished cry and pulled the pillow closer to him. He was reminded of that night. He was reminded that Draco left him… Draco was gone and Harry wasn’t sure he would ever come back, and that thought scared him more than the idea of Voldemort. 

Ron and Hermione decided to lie on either side of Harry, both pulling him into a hug to try and ground him. 

**_Bad habit, I know, but I'm needin' you right now. Can you help me out? Can I lean on you?_ **

It didn’t matter what Draco did throughout his day, there was never a time that Harry didn’t occupy his thoughts. Draco could be knee-deep in accidents at St. Mungo’s, yet Harry’s presence still held the back of his mind. Yet he pressed on. Since Draco stormed away from Harry two weeks ago, he had picked up as many shift’s as he could, often doing double shifts just to keep himself from breaking. 

When he was forced into an hour-long break, Draco took a seat on the sofa in the break room. He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly. Stopping was not what he had wanted. Stopping meant that he had time to think about Harry and the incredible fuck-up he had made. Draco wanted nothing more than to go back and fall into their bed, to pull Harry close into his body, to take in Harry’s musk. But Draco was too much of a coward to go back with his tail between his legs. He was the one who walked out, who left Harry and ended their relationship. He couldn’t bear to face Harry again, sometimes begging Pansy to go and get his things so he didn’t have to see the other again. Pansy, of course, refused point blank to go and retrieve Draco’s things for him. 

Trying to do anything he could to distract his head from that desperation, Draco leaned forward and took an edition of The Daily Prophet from the table. As soon as he read the headline, his heart sank. 

_ THE BOY WHO LIVED FINALLY SEES SENSE? FLING WITH DEATH EATER IN TATTERS. FULL STORY ONE PAGE 6.  _

Instead of bearing it anymore interest, Draco threw the paper across the breakroom, a yell of agony leaving his throat. He couldn’t take it anymore, the anxiety attack flooded him. His chest rose and fell with sharp breaths, his heart raced almost ten times faster than its usual pace. Before his anxiety attack got any worse, another healer came in. They immediately went to Draco, doing their best to soothe him. There was no amount of magic in the world that could help Draco, they just had to ride it out and attempt to ground him before sending for their supervisor. 

Soon enough, Pansy was there, a some-what sympathetic smile on her face as she came to pick up Draco. He was placed on leave to rest, but they all knew that it wouldn’t keep him away for long. 

**_Sun don't wanna come out. Can you help me out? Can I lean on you?_ **

Harry was slowly starting to move about again. He hurt a lot less than he did the moment it had sunk in that Draco had left him. He had returned to work, but was assigned to paperwork until he could focus on fieldwork. This was at the request of Hermione, begging him to take a step back until he was himself again. Reluctantly he agreed. Although, the way he was feeling, he wouldn’t have minded if the job had killed him. But he had to think of the people around him, he knew that wasn’t fair on them. 

However, there was nothing Harry Potter hated more than paperwork. It did nothing to distract himself from Draco. He felt pathetic, constantly thinking of his ex-boyfriend. But whether Draco liked it or not, there was no one else for him. Ever since that fateful night in their Eighth year of Hogwarts, Harry hadn’t thought to look twice at anyone else. He fell hard and fast for Malfoy. He realised it was a build up through all their years at Hogwarts, but the love he felt for Malfoy hit him all at once. 

**_You make me feel like I'm floatin' off the ground, above this little town, you do. Look at me smile with tears in my eyes. I love the way you lie, I do…_ **

_ Harry had decided that he wanted to take time to have a break from studying and relax, so he realised that there was no place better than the prefect’s bathroom. Once he had gotten there, he quickly undressed and lowered himself down in the water. He rested his head back against the wall of the large bath and closed his eyes. Since deciding to return to Hogwarts for his final year, Harry had been hounded by fangirls, all eager to get his attention. Since his return to Hogwarts, Harry had been dumped. Ginny had seen something in him that he hadn’t realised. His blatant attraction to men. He tried to deny it, but he couldn’t help but think about it from time to time, and maybe, just maybe, she was right.  _

_ Deep in thought, Harry hadn’t heard the door click open. He hadn’t heard the footsteps of none other than Draco Malfoy. It was clear Draco had the same thoughts as Harry, a need to relax and distract himself. When Draco had laid eyes on Harry, he felt his heart flutter. Of course the flutters had happened numerous times before. They would happen when he caught Harry laughing at one of Weasley’s terrible jokes, they would happen when he caught Harry smiling, and they would happen everytime Harry walked into their shared dormitory. But they had never happened like this. Seeing Harry Potter in the bath, clearly relaxed, had sparked the flutters in a new way. Then it hit him that Harry was most probably naked under the water, and that caused a warm flush through his stomach and down to his thighs. Should he go? Should he stay and pretend he didn’t see Harry? Just as he was about to turn to go, having decided that it was better to leave Potter to it, a croaked voice filled the room.  _

_ “Malfoy, you may as well stay. It’s a communal bath.” Harry muttered, rubbing his eyes and turning to look at Malfoy.  _

_ Draco cleared his throat and replied, “fine. Look and I’ll hex you, Potter.”  _

_ “Like I would, Malfoy.”  _

_ And yet, both of them wished so dearly to look. But Harry obeyed and closed his eyes again while Malfoy climbed into the otherside of the bathtub.  _

_ They sat in silence for a while, tension thick in the air. Of course, having been roomed together, they had grown closer and had somehow become friends, despite their explosive history. Yet neither of them realised how close the other wanted to be.  _

_ Draco couldn’t help but catch glimpses of Potter, sitting there in the tub. He felt exposed, but for some reason he didn’t mind this in the slightest. He just ached for Potter to touch him. Yet, that wasn’t ever going to happen. Potter was The Boy Who Lived and Malfoy, well, Malfoy was Death Eater on Parole.  _

_ Both boys jumped cruelly when they heard the familiar squeal of Moaning Myrtle. She soared through the air and around the bubbles in the water.  _

_ “Well, well, well,” she giggled, “you could cut the tension in here with a knife.”  _

_ The boys shared a nervous glance, gulping in unison.  _

_ “I hear whispers, you know. Your friends.” Myrtle giggled, floating to rest between the boys. “Whispering about your sexual tension.” She giggled once more, the drone annoying both boys.  _

_ “What could you possibly mean, Myrtle?” Draco almost hissed.  _

_ Myrtle shrugged and giggled, floating off towards the pipes.  _

_ Harry looked dumbstruck, blinking a few times and gulping the lump in his throat away. “I don’t understand her sometimes…”  _

_ Draco hummed in agreement, running a hand down his face. He was flustered enough without Moaning Myrtle coming in and causing trouble.  _

_ Harry gulped. He knew there was tension between them, but he didn’t know if Draco felt the same, so it couldn’t possibly be sexual tension.  _

_ Silence rang out between them for a while, until Harry gathered the courage to speak up once more.  _

_ “Do you think there might be sexual tension between us?” And there it was. As soon as he said it, he regretted the words. He wished he could take it back.  _

_ Draco stared at him for a minute, blinking a few times in confusion. Was this Harry’s way of saying he felt the same? Draco’s heart dropped as he tried to figure out what to say.  _

_ “Couldn’t possibly be.” He replied shakily, praying that Potter disagreed with him.  _

_ The boys found themselves moving closer to the other, their hearts racing.  _

_ “I guess there’s no way to find out, anyway.” Draco murmured once they were close enough to touch.  _

_ “Huh, you think so?”  _

_ “What are you saying, Potter?” Malfoy replied, half snapping at the other.  _

_ “Maybe we should test their theory. Prove to ourselves that there is no sexual tension or whatever.” He shrugged.  _

_ Draco rolled his eyes and scoffed, yet a scarlet blush filled his cheeks. “You’re insane, Potter.” _

_ “Your blush says otherwise, Malfoy.”  _

_ “Oh fuck off.”  _

_ “Kiss me first. Then we’ll get to the bottom of the rumoured sexual tension.”  _

_ Draco thought about it for a moment. Of course he had to weigh up the options. On one hand, he could discover that Potter did not reciprocate any feelings and have his heart broken. Yet, on the other hand, Potter could reciprocate these feelings. There was no other way to know, he thought. Before he could say anything, his lips were on Potter’s, his heart acting before his mind.  _

_ Harry was slightly taken aback when Malfoy planted one on him, but once he had realised what was happening, he melted into the kiss. His heart was soaring as he kissed Malfoy. Any feelings he had for Malfoy were confirmed in that moment and he wished deeply for this moment to last. He couldn’t bear his heart breaking. Malfoy pulled away for a second, desperate to catch his breath, but his gaze never left Harry’s.  _

_ “That was..-” Harry breathed out.  _

_ “-Incredible.” Draco finished the sentence, the idea of shame leaving him.  _

_ Harry nodded and leant forward to resume kissing the other, cupping his cheeks in desperation. The kissing lasted a lot longer than they intended, and it was easy to assume that both boys had grown aroused by the action.  _

__

_ Quickly after their kiss, Malfoy and Potter grabbed their things and dressed, eager to get back to their dormitory. Yet once they were in their dorm, they simply laid side by side and talked for hours. By the time they fell asleep, curled in each other’s arms, their feelings had been aired and the spark to a newly found relationship had been ignited.  _

**_Hate to say that I'm lonely. Hate to say that I miss you. Hate to say that it's dark in here. But it's true…_ **

A few more weeks had passed, and neither man had heard from the other. Draco hadn’t been round to collect the last of his things, and Harry hadn’t reached out to talk. 

Pansy and Hermione had been talking, both very aware of how Harry and Draco were coping. Yet, they felt helpless. Nothing they could do or say was encouraging the men to talk about what had happened. Despite Pansy’s wishes, Hermione refused to lock them in a room together while they were both so fragile. Although, if Harry kept sulking, she would consider it more. 

Meanwhile, Harry had returned to active duty within the Auror department. He needed to get back to work, desperate to keep his mind busy. Of course, he had to receive an evaluation on the matter before his superiors allowed him back on the field. 

On his first active mission back, Harry concluded things were going smoothly, until there was an unexpected explosion. Aurors around them scrambled around to check for casualties. Ron was the one to see him. Ron was the one to see his best friend unconscious on the ground, several cuts and grazes covering his face and hands. Next to Harry, his glasses sat upside down and smashed. In a rush of adrenaline, Ron screamed for help, yelling Harry’s name. It seemed to Ron that everything moved in slow motion, nobody coming fast enough to help Harry. 

“Weasley, apparate him to St. Mungo’s. NOW!” 

And Ron did as he was told, holding onto Harry and apparating to the hospital. 

**_Bad habit, I know. But I'm needin' you right now. Can you help me out? Can I lean on you? Been one of those days, sun don't wanna come out…_ **

Suddenly, St. Mungo’s were on high-alert, every available healer poised and ready to support the incoming casualties. Draco was assigning people to beds, trying to allow for things to run as smoothly as possible. Yet, he was interrupted when he heard a familiar cry of a familiar name. 

“PLEASE HELP! SOMEONE! IT’S HARRY POTTER!” Ron all but yelled, lifting Harry up into his arms. 

Draco was frozen still, his heart dropping as he saw Harry almost lifeless in Ron’s arms. Multiple healers rushed past Draco, almost pushing him out of the way to get to Harry. Time had slowed down and Draco had felt a piece of his heart break, worry creeping up into the back of his throat as he choked back a sob. He had to be strong for this. 

“His file! We need his file!” A healer yelled, checking Harry over for injuries so they knew what to do to heal him, as per their job. 

Draco had run into the hallway, and collapsed to the floor. He felt the creeping panic attack flood him. This couldn’t be happening. His last memory of Harry could not be breaking up with him, he refused to let that happen. But he could scarcely move for the panic, frozen still in the moment. 

“Malfoy.. You’re needed. You’re, uhm, you’re still Potter’s emergency contact. You’ve been released from your duties today.” 

Draco was broken from his panic and looked up, tears still in his eyes. He nodded slowly and stood, his legs shaking beneath him. He was fearful of what he was going to see. Was he going to be met with Harry’s corpse? Was he expected to say his goodbyes and support Ron in spreading the news? The thought terrified him, yet his feet moved taking him towards the bed in which Harry was laid. When he reached the curtained off bed, Draco felt himself break again. Draco managed to take a seat next to Harry, watching him carefully. This was too much to handle. He felt as though he shouldn’t be there. Yet nothing could compel him to leave Harry’s side. In his observations of Harry’s injuries, Draco had realised that the other was, in fact, breathing. The sight of Harry’s chest rising and falling with each breath caused a wave of relief to flood through Draco. He wasn’t gone, not yet. 

Malfoy sat there for hours, refusing to leave Harry’s bedside. He was terrified that Harry’s breathing would suddenly stop. Terrified that Harry’s injuries would be too severe and The Boy Who Lived would slowly slip away from him. No matter who asked him, Draco simply refused to leave his bedside. 

It wasn’t until the next day that Potter stirred, a soft groan escaping his lips as he came back into consciousness. Malfoy was still there, snoozing away in the chair. Ron and Hermione were sitting next to Harry’s bedside, also. A wave of relief crashing through them as Harry stirred. It took him a few minutes to regain full consciousness, yet when he did, he caught sight of Draco immediately. The way he curled into a ball as he slept unmistakable, the mop of messy blonde hair atop of Draco’s head confirming that his former flame was there by his bedside. 

“You gave us a bloody good fright there, mate.” Ron choked out, sounding relieved, yet tired. 

“Wh-What happened?” Harry choked out, rubbing his aching head. 

“There was an explosion. You- you were caught in it. I-It was touch and go for a while.” Hermione answered.

Harry nodded weakly. “A-And Malfoy, wh-why is he here..?” He wasn’t sure if he wanted the answer. Even in his concussed state, Harry had assumed that he was there to gloat that they were separated. He worried that Malfoy was just here to remind them that they were over. 

“He-” Hermione sighed, “he’s here because he’s worried, Harry. He hasn’t been doing good since- well, since you broke up. You scared us all, Draco especially.” 

Harry nodded weakly, trying to process what she was saying. It was a lot to take in in such a short space of time. Yet, he couldn’t help but look at Draco. He admired the way he slept, finding comfort in the smooshed up snoring face. He knew it was a bad habit, admiring his ex as he slept. But it always brought him comfort, seeing how peaceful Draco was as he slept. Despite everything, he ached for Draco to be next to him, holding him. He ached for the familiar musk, the familiar grasp. Nothing was more comforting than Draco Malfoy in his arms. 

**_Bad habit, I know. But I'm needin' you right now. Can you help me out?_ **

Malfoy had eventually woken, he stretched out and then immediately panicked. He sat up with a shot, looking around him in worry as Harry wasn’t there. However, just as he stood up to go in search of Potter, Harry was wheeled back to his curtained off cubicle. Draco felt a rush of relief, yet again, when he laid eyes on Harry. 

“Fuck, Harry, you’re awake!” He almost cried with glee, “you’re okay!” 

Harry was slightly taken aback by Draco’s burst of happiness. After all, he had walked out on him just a few weeks prior. “Y-yeah..” he cleared his throat. “I woke up about four hours ago..” 

Draco’s gaze hardened as he looked up to Weasley. “And why didn’t you wake me? Harry fucking Potter almost died and you didn’t think to wake me.” Draco snapped at Weasley. 

“Enough, Malfoy! I told him not to wake you.” Harry snapped back. “You looked exhausted so I let you sleep.” 

Draco’s glare softened ever so slightly and he folded his arms across his chest. He stood in silence for a moment before clearing his throat and sighing. “Well, I can see you’re alive. I best be leaving then. Get well soon, Potter.” 

As Draco made to leave, Ron stood in front of him, holding his hand out to stop any further steps he could make. “You’re not going anywhere. You both need to talk and you’re not leaving until you’ve sorted whatever this thing is.” Ron looked between the two of them. “I may not like you very much, Malfoy, and I like you even less now. But you both need to sort your shit out because I really don’t fancy seeing Harry as broken as he is for much longer. Hermione and I will be outside to make sure you don’t leave, got it?” 

Draco glared at Weasley, scoffing as he nodded. “Fine, whatever.” 

Malfoy was good at pretending, he was particularly good at trying to numb his feelings around those who weren’t worthy enough to see his vulnerabilities. While he considered Harry to be worthy, he would be damned if he showed any weaknesses right now. 

“Help me into the bed, Malfoy. This bloody wheelchair is uncomfortable.” Harry muttered. 

Begrudgingly, Draco helped him, reminding himself that it was his job to do so, not because he owed Potter anything. Yet he did. He knew he owed Harry everything. Once Harry was back laying in the bed, Draco continued to stand, ignoring how good it felt to hold his former lover again. 

“So..” Harry muttered, looking up at Draco, 

“So.” The blonde replied. 

The tension was thick in the air, neither one of them sure of what to say. Harry knew he had a lot to make up for, he knew he wasn’t as attentive to Malfoy and he knew it hurt him when he spent time with Ginny alone. He knew these insecurities yet he ignored them because of his own selfish nature. Yet Draco knew he shouldn’t have exploded like that, he shouldn’t have taken his hard day at work out on Harry. Harry was simply spending time with a friend, yet it hurt that he watched a romantic comedy with her. 

“I’m sorry.” Harry said quietly, looking up at Draco with tears in his eyes. 

Draco could feel himself melting, the ice wall he put up to hide his vulnerabilities was slowly being melted. “Harry.. I- you- you don’t need to apologise.” 

“No, Draco, I do. I really need to apologise be-because I knew you didn’t feel comfortable with Ginny hanging around the flat when you weren’t there. I dismissed your feelings..” He said quietly. 

Draco was taken aback. He wasn’t quite sure how to reply to that. “You-- you don’t need to apologise. I should have trusted you.” He gulped, anxiety taking over as he crossed his arms over his chest again. 

Harry felt a twang of guilt once more, but he shrugged it off as he patted his bed, welcoming Draco to at least sit down. “Please, Drac, sit down and tell me why it bothers you.. Properly, so I know how to work around it next time.” 

Draco sighed and reluctantly sat down next to Harry, fighting every instinct he had to climb into his arms. “Harry..” 

“Draco, please. I-I want this, us, to work. I can’t be without you. I don’t want to fall into bad habits again. I need you to tell me why it bothers you.” Harry took Draco’s hand in his, thumbing small circles into the back of Draco’s hand. 

Draco gulped and thought for a moment, allowing himself to melt into Harry’s touch. Draco was scared to say how he truly felt, fearful of the judgment it could bring. He sighed shakily and tried to think of how he really felt. He had snidely said it to Harry the night he left, but was that enough for Potter? Probably not. 

“You were never meant to date someone like me. You were supposed to marry Ginny, she’s who you need in life, not me.” He gulped. 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Draco. Ginny was the one who called it quits with me... She saw something between us that neither of us saw. Draco, when we got together, it was the most important night of my life to date… Any romantic feelings for Ginny evaporated. You’re the only one I wanted from that night on.” 

The blonde sighed, running his hands down his face as he thought. This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“B-but what about the headlines in the Prophet? They slandered you for our relationship, Harry. They attacked and hounded us for years, barely giving us a moment’s because The Boy Who Lived was  _ never _ meant to end up with a Death Eater.” 

“Former Death Eater. Reformed Death Eater.” Harry stated pointedly. 

“Whatever, former, reformed, current. It doesn’t matter. You would be better with the Weasley girl. She could give you children, satisfy the press, she could be so much better for you and you know it, Potter.” 

Harry felt his heart sink, blinking a few times as he processed what Draco had said to him. 

“But I don’t want any of those things. I could deal with the press so long as you’re by my side, Draco.” Harry gulped. “I promise you, I can and will do better. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Draco gulped in return. “I promise not to get too jealous over the Weasley girl. I have to work on that if I want you to stay in my life.” 

Harry nodded. “We have a lot to work through, b-but we can only work through it together. We can’t call it quits when it gets too much.” 

Draco agreed, his eyes fixated on Harry’s hands, still tracing circles on the back of his hand. 

“Now, please, cuddle me. I really need a cuddle after everything.” Harry pouted. 

A smile broke out on Draco’s face as he kicked off his shoes and curled up next to Harry, curling back into his arms. 

In that moment, everything felt at peace again. Everything was right for them once again. Together they knew they could work everything out. They knew they were each other's bad habits. They knew they could lean on each other and it didn’t matter what happened, they could get through it, even in the moments they think would be hard on them. Each petty argument meant nothing in comparison to what they had. 

**_Hate to say that I love you. Hate to say that I need you. Hate to say that I want you. But I do…_ **

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed that! This is my first piece of Harry Potter fanfiction, so I will be incredibly dumb at everything until I get more into the swing of things. Please comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> This is the first of a series of unrelated one-shots inspired by actor and musician, Ben Platt's debut LP 'Sing To Me Instead'. Please check it out! 
> 
> Jem xo


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